In Love !!!!

Silence to me feels to be the best companion.
Isolated from the jarring world outside,
i do not seek the company of any other.
All i want is to be left alone,
with a sweet melody lingering in my head,
staring into the depths of an empty space,
submerged in precious memories of the one thing that means the world to me.
It may seem like i've lost my mind,
but the truth is that,
I've lost my HEART !!!!!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY ..... :)

first impressions are not always right .....

it all started in the first day of my college, or maybe i should go back to the day of counselling. i was in ethiraj at that time doing my b.Sc in visual communication. i had already gotten myself settled there , made new friends and quite a number of people knew me there. i thought i had it all set untill the day i got a counselling letter from anna university for MSc electronic media. as i was already risking it by taking up visual communication at ethiraj, my parents thought that it was better if i do a similar course in anna university ( as its brand is recognized internationally and all... ). anyways, so i was literally forced to attend the counselling. i realised that there wasn much i could do against my parents and i might as well accept the fact that i am gonna be spending the next 5 yrs here. so, i was kind of looking forward to the day where i might get to meet my classmates, otherwise known as " the day of counselling ".

well... to tell you the truth, i wasn't all that happy on seeing them...was very much disappointed actually.the crowd that i saw there, seemed to be sort of rural ( i dont mean to be rude!! ) and i didn't think ... or should i say ... i was certain that i wouldn't fit in. it was too late to go back then so i thought i just had to deal with it.

First day of college:
on the first day of college, the first ones i met was susan and preethi. the 3 of us were early that day so we had some time to talk ( not much of a conversation though.... just asked each other's names and which school and ... u know ... the usual stuff ). we were shown our class room , and we picked a suitable place where we'd be sitting for the next 5 yrs ( the last bench .... obviously!! ). Then sam, swathi and rest of the class walked in. as it usually happens, we started with a hi and took things from there.
and then after a while, the faculty walked in and said they didn know we were supposed to be there ( omg !!! how lame's that !?!?!). anyways, they gave a small introduction about themselves and the department and then said we were free to go !! so much for " our first day of college ". somehow the enthusiasm and the excitement was lacking.swats , susu , preethi, sam and i sat in front of our department after we were dispersed and were trying to get to know each other. it wasn't all that fun or interesting, i was still down about the fact that i ended up here. few minutes into our interaction - swathi quotes " u bullshit i bullshit let's bullshit together ". i had this devasted look on my face , thinking to myself " does this girl have any idea about what she's talking ?", " oh lord !! what have i gotten myself into ?"and " i am doomed for the next 5 yrs ".
the first few weeks were pathetic. we were roaming around campus clueless, the same " introduce yourself " routine goin on and on and on in class, didn't have much to do. not even a week went by and i was already finding ways to bunk classes. i never really made an effort to interact or adapt myself.
but then weeks went by ... and i was getting to know all of them a lot better . i was surprised to find what good people they are - sweet ,sensible and funny. we shared laughs together , went through heartbreaks, pain and disappointment with each other by our side and have shown real and genuine concerns for each other. we've all grown to be real close like one big happy family. even swathi who gave me the scares the very first day turned out to be alright ( more than alright ). i never thought i'd say this but ... i'd really miss her if she doesn turn up to coll on that day !!! i mean she's a full time entertainer. u don't even have to try and insult her... i mean she's so good at it herself :P ...anyways....its not just swathi but the whole lot . i found that i had something to learn from each and every one of them. i've grown to care for for each one of them. my eyes are opened a little wider now and i see that you can never judge a book by its cover!!i think its safe to say that now i look at things with more optimism and that i've decided not to jump into any conclusions about anyone before i get to know them ...


HAVE A GR8 DAY PPZ !!!

do we really have to celebrate the day we were born ?

why are birthday's worth celebrating ? isn't it just like any other day , except that u find yourself a year older ? shouldn't we be finding it depressing ? i mean , i dont think any of us would want to grow old , weak , sad , wrinkles on ur face , cribbing and complaining about how you wasted your younger days not doing the things that you ought to have done and the things that you cant do anymore . yet people celebrate . what makes it so special anyway ?and the answer is........... friends and family !! i figured this on my 18th birthday ..

i never really felt the josh in celebrating birthdays before , as i'd mentioned , not untill my 18th birthday. It started off like an ordinary day. got up early by 8.00 .. :P ... did as per my routine , got ready and went off to see my grandmother, to hear her go on about how responsibly i should be acting now that am growing old , and how i should've learnt to cook by now and do all the household chores. and then i get a call from my friend askin me to come to ispahani. i guess i was expecting to see some familiar faces and a little suprise in store for me. so i went there knowing what to expect n all, but what i didn't know was that my friend eashwar had somehow managed to get my closest friends from college, who pretended to be busy on my birthday, to throw the suprise. we had a cake-cutting session, as per tradition on every birthday, and spent some time chatting, eashwar gave a stuffed toy( which was absolutely cute) and as for me , i was real glad that they all had come and was still wondering how eashwar got in contact with them . really sweet dont you think ? anyways , that's just the beginning.

moving on to my second suprise for the day !!! the next stop was satyam theatre where i had booked 14 tickets for ghajini to treat my school friends. we sold off the extra tickets and sat to watch the film. then, interval .we came out to get some pop corn. eashwar convinced me that the rush to get refreshments upstairs( lounge area) would be comparitively less and so he literally dragged me there .what i found there was totally unexpected . there was another cake with my name on it,including my nick name ( palm tree.... was that really necessary?) , balloons and other decorations. my friends got around to sing 'happy birthday' for me to stop starin at the cake bewildered and cut it already as they were all waitin to have a piece of it .. [:P] anyways , some lousy pictures were taken in which i look ridiculous and were put up on satyamcinemas.com/celebrations.asp. And for my favourite part, PRESENTS !!! [:D] i got all that i was supposed to get, including image damaging mockery in public :P ( hey.... what 're friends for ??)... i was again chased to my seat as the film was gonna resume.. just when i thought that it was all over, eashwar pops out a ring and gives it to me just when the song " gujarish" had started speaking out his affection towards me ..... (omg !!! that was the sweeeeeeeetest thing anyone's ever done for me!!!!!!!) i accepted it with a fully content heart and with my hands trembling . i din't know how to react . i am not all that sentimental in life, dont usually give out emotional dialogues as u see in soaps, and i avoid emotional out-bursts as far as i can , but this was way too much to hold inside. seriously !!!!i've only seen stuff like this in movies u know. kinda couldn see it to be happening for real !!! and after that point , i dont recall watching the movie at all, only me staring at the ring under the light from my cell phone !!! it was the most precious gift of all . his sincere effort to make me feel special that day and to make me remember this forever was clearly seen. [the least i could do in return for all that he's done is to mention about it in my blog !!]oh well .... it was simply great , the day was !!! i stopped to think if i really did deserve friends such as these... and i told myself that i would repay each and everyone of them in any way that i could for the love that they've showed me :) love you alll..............

i must say , i got a little carried away with my friends , with so much happening and all , that i had completely forgotten about my family back home. so i rushed home to find my dad and my mom waiting with a little strawberry cake exclusively for the 3 of us. i felt like a bum to have forgotten them. but i guess i felt a little better on seein a knowing, understanding look on my dad's face. so yea... we had a small celebration for ourselves and sat down to have dinner ..

at the end of that incredible day i learned that birthdays weren't meant to be depressed about going old. it was about realising what you have achieved and who or what you have earned after so many years of living. when you have people around you to make you feel special , then i dont think you will ever feel low about anything in life. infact, they always give u a reason to celebrate. !!! this is to especially thank all those who've made an impact and a difference in my life ....

SLEEPING

i refuse to wake from my slumber,
for i am truely happy and entirely free only in my dreams,
i dont intend on going back to the -excrutiatingly painful reality ,
where i am burdened heavily with -worthless woes and meaningless obligations,
i ask myself ...
" wouldn't it be better just to lie there still,
not having to worry about anythin at all ?"
but deep down,
i know that the answer isn't always what you wish for....

WOUNDED

hurt by the cruel world,
i had locked myself up once and threw away the keys.
.now that i realise that i cant stay aloof forever,
i try to come out but find myself trapped,
i bang and i yell in vain as my cries are echoed back-
not going beyond the walls...
as i weep in despair,
inside the cold dark prison,
i pray real hard.....
BEGGING for someone to breakdown the doors - and set me free....

DROWNING

i am drowning into the vast ocean of my loneliness,
lost in the emtiness of my soul,
desperately seeking for a reason to live,
for a reason to breathe,i struggle to reach the top,
but i cant breakfree from the chains that hold me down,
i suffer silently from this pain within,
longing to be taken away,
taken away from me ....

TAINTED

i stand alone,
tainted by the rotten world,
stranded and suffering for my past sins,
sins that i endeavour to atone for,
but seethed to find that i am also being accused for-what was not my fault...
i take a hard dip down the cold stream,
hoping that the icy waters would cleanse my soul -of all that filth ,
all that hatered,
that had once consumed it....
despite my efforts to rebound,
i am still kept away,
with no one to reach out to me....